Red Nose Walkers Crisps: ‘Noble idea, dubious flavours’ says Local Consumer Group

Posted on May 07, 2013

Hello Snackers,

We hope your week is going well, without snitch, snag or mishap! Got the week off work myself, which provides the expediency of time and space to sit back, put The First Time with Andrew Weatherall on the Iplayer, crack open a red and drop you a line - comfortable in the knowledge that there’s no work tomorrow and that I can enjoy the lateness of the hour and the possibility of time. Long lazy days would be ours on our island, I ask you this: would we want Red Nose crisps as our only chip of choice? Read on to see what our hastily convened, utterly informal survey group thought.
Assortment of crisps packets
All you need to form a tasting group is the right conditions: a table, four bowls, a piece of paper and a pencil, some tasters and the product. Seeing as we had (still have) a complimentary box of Red Nose-flavoured crisps, it was easy to throw them out to the room and beg the question,’‘whaddya think?’‘. So our group comprised 6 adults and one, fairly confident & intelligent 5 year old. Other kids were present but refused to take part. The varieties being considered are Steak & Al Pie, Stephen Fry Up, Frank Roast Dinner and Jimmy Con Carne. Here are some general comments garnered on our piece of paper:-

    JIMMY CON CARNE ‘..very bolagnaisy’ ‘..really not pleasant’ STEAK & AL PIE ‘..disgusting’ ‘..very boozy’ FRANK ROAST DINNER ‘..done before’ ‘..predicted strong chicken overtones before tasting. Wasn’t wrong’ STEPHEN FRY UP ‘..hints of smoky bacon’’ ‘..individual crisps have individual flavours’ ‘..the only one of this experiment that stands out slightly’ ‘..a whole bag could be too much’

We’re not ungrateful for these free crisps, for they were free - sent by Walkers to Scott only minutes before they went out of date - but as you can probably gather from this tiny selection of comments, they ain’t exactly tasty. ‘‘But that’s not the point!’’ we hear you cry. The point is worthy causes. Yes, but then would not a better way to raise cash quickly to be to take 20p from every bag of regular Walkers sold in Comic Relief week and give that to the chosen cause, than market a crisp that no-one particularly likes or will necessarily be thinking ‘I must have some crisps but I must also remember to contribute to a good cause and choose a bag of celebrity-endorsed one’s over a good old bag of trusty, guaranteed good-munching Salt & Vinegar’‘. Or is that just crisp socialism, plain and unsalted? Well, more money would be raised that way than in sales of these I betcha.

This entry goes out to Smiley Culture, who seems to have died in the most tragically ironic but sad circumstances, to Nate Dogg and above all, to the Japanese nation - home and away - who are going through one helluva time. I am positive amongst numerous reportage of the unfolding disaster over the weekend, I heard a reporter say that survival provisions included rice, water and crisps.

Love to One And All,